“I have hidden the ruby in the large oak tree.” gasped Ned, the thief, in his last confession
“Which tree?” asked Detective Banks, hurriedly
“There is only one in the forest.” whispered Ned
Those were his last words. Ned had evaded the law for a long time. His latest conquest was big; an expensive ruby. The police had spotted him in the deep forest and fatally shot him.
Banks’s eyes turned huge with greed. Nobody else had listened to the confession. He sped in his bike towards the forest. Ah! There was the lone oak tree. Banks stood near the tree, studying it, when he felt a sharp pain in his hand. He looked up to see a hornet’s nest. They thronged him before he could think or react.
The ruby was safe inside the hornet’s nest. The faithful hornets were determined to guard it till Ned returned.
Written for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. Thanks to Janet for the photo.
Dear Nightlake,
Trained hornets? Imaginative use of the prompt.
shalom,
Rochelle
Hi Rochelle, Yes, the idea was that they were trained by the thief, Ned:) Thank you very much
I love this story 😀
Thank you so much
A stinging ending to your story! Even if Ned hadn’t trained them, I think it’s safe to assume that anyone sticking their hand into that next would get stung. Good imagination!
janet
True.. except for Ned or any of his ‘colleagues’:) Thank you, Janet
Ah, this is a very nice ending 🙂
Glad you like it, LD. Thank you
That’s an ingenious place to hide something valuable like that. No one would look there by accident. Great story.
Your visit and comment means a lot. Thank you kindly
Clever supernatural tale with the stones and nest to guide you.
p.s. eyes turned huge with greed… Nice, I can ‘see’ that.
Yes, eyes widen with greed or even envy perhaps..Thank you very much for the comment
‘Faithful hornets’ are hard to imagine, but they made sense in your story. I got a little hung up over your explanation of who Ned was. I was trying to work out if it felt too much in the passive voice, and wondered whether the information could have been got across in a more active way with Banks wondering what had happened to the ruby? Just a thought. There was a lot here to get into a short story.
Active voice might have been better here perhaps..Thanks so much for the suggestion and the comment
A bee whisperer perhaps? Could a dependent of Ned’s be the one the hornet’s will accept?
Not really:) They may accept fellow thieves who worked with Ned in training the bees. If Ned was working alone, the ruby would probably be undiscovered for a long time.
Certainly pays to have faithful hornets as friends!
It certainly does:) Thanks a lot for taking the time to read
a great lesson on greed. well done 🙂
Hi kz, Thank you for the read and the comment:)
I agree with Ann’s comments above; I arrested at that expositional paragraph. But it’s a great idea – trained hornets. Wow!
Thank you so much for pointing out, Sandra:) and thanks for reading
loved this story the ending especially ! 🙂
Thank you, Shreyank:)
A beautiful story narrated in so less words…
A story about greed… and loyalty!
Thanks so much. Appreciate your stopping by
: Yikes!! Looks like no one’s getting their hands on that ruby. Nice work.
Yes, it remains hidden:) Thank you, Lora:)
Ah, clever that Ned. I predict the detective will be caught red-handed (excuse the horrible pun) 🙂
lol:) yes indeed. Thank you for reading:)
Clever, very clever 🙂
Thank you, Lyn:)
Great story!
Hi LuAnn, Thanks so much
Ooh! After hornets guarding the ruby I won’t be surprised if Ned returns too!
Creative!
Nope, not a reincarnation story, so Ned is unlikely to return:) other thieves may have a chance though. Thanks for the read and the comment
Great story, I really liked it. Take that, you corrupt sleazy detective, you!
lol. He takes their wrath..Thanks for visiting and reading
Unique – hornets gaurding the ruby. Nice.
Thank you very much
terrific story padmini!
Thank you:)
A great idea that you got across very well. Not happy with the thought of trained hornets, but that’s what imagination is all about
Dee
Thankfully, it is just imagination:) Thank you, Dee
Wow, trained hornets as a burglar alarm….kind of scary and quite effective. Made me want to know more about Ned and how he had the patience and time to train hornets when he was living a life on the lam.
He needs an escape route and a place to hide his valuables. So, he should have probably spent a lot of time going about the training. Thank you, Jennie, for reading and commenting
Love this take… I would like to get those hornets…
and train them effectively.. Thank you for the comment:)
Hornets as guardians would be highly effective. That’s some forward thinking. Nice! I liked this.
Glad you liked this and thank you
Imagine having stinging hornets as guards, that’s even better than flying monkeys.
an interesting idea:)) but to become trust-worthy, they need to be really well-trained.. Thank you, Dawn
Just like husbands!
lol