The limping man in the dance floor still manages to appear majestic. Looking awkward amongst younger men, he watches alertly with one undamaged eye. He looks past the girls’ makeup and dresses, seeking a kind face.
Frightful, my tough visage
My heart is a fleeting lamp,
melting for true love
Written for the Līgo Haībun Challenge. Join in the fun.
I really like this- I like the contrast between “limping man” and ” majestic” – not so sure about “melting for true love” – but otherwise it works really well.
Thank you for reading and the comment. Yes, ‘melting for true love’ could be abstract, I suppose:)
What an opening sentence! Especially for a man to read! You just KNOW he’s had a tough past – and I understand ‘melting for true love’ fully! I mean it is EXACTLY that,especially for an ‘older’ man. Sure, he can always open his wallet, but he is above attracting someone like that. I really get this haibun!
Thank you for your perceptive comment. Yes, it is the picture of a man who is older and has seen and been through a lot.. and you have pretty much explained everything this haibun wants to say. Thank you so much!
Beautifully written with such a heart warming sentiment.
Thank you very much, Benjamin
A man of character. I like the image you chose for this. It creates such a sharp contrast to the image of the man, but fits him at his heart.
Yes, he is. Thank you so much for visiting once again and the kind comment
I hope for his success, a kind face. Lovely.
Glad you read and enjoyed. Thank you very much:)
So effectively and compassionately composed.
Glad you think so, Ken. Thank you!
A damaged old man
Still young enough to feel love
If he can find it.
JzB
He is probably older than the other men in the dance floor. yes, he is young at heart and looking for true love. Thank you for commenting
this is lovely.. with one good eye, he sees more in women than other men can…
Yes, and maybe with his experience he can understand a lot that the others fail to see. Thank you for stopping by once again, kz
Wow.. What an imagery you’ve created,, Padmini.. The limping man, the dance floor and the woman he is seeking, with a complimenting haiku in the end. Such an honest man deserves his chance!
Yes, he definitely does:) Thank you, Muzer, and so glad you liked this:) like to participate?
Hi Padmini,
Quite a contrast- that limp and the majestic bearing. Brings in a great perspective about the contrast that may exist between what we see on the outside viv a vis the strength inside.What could be the circumstances which may require this kind of differentiation to be brought out?
Shakti
It is a dance floor and there are young men giving stiff competition to him. Therefore the description. Those on the dance floor notice his positive traits..Thank you for visiting and commenting
This is excellent. People so often forget that old people were once young and can still feel the same passions inside, or those with outward deformity can have beautiful hearts. I love the contrasts of your writing here.
Hi Sarah, Thank you for understanding the essence of the write-up.. and thank you so much for the kind comment
What a beautifully constructed haibun you have created for our enjoyment. If only everyone could look past the ‘packaging’ to see the heart!
so true, Mary. Thank you so much!
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