Friday Fictioneers- The Message

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The horse flew ahead, eyes half-blinded by the fog. The exhausted soldier was in no position to command, though he led the horse with a weak hand. They had travelled for days, braving heat, storm and hunger. “Just an hour more” pleaded the soldier to a God he did not believe in. They reached the land of exile, at last. The horse slowed down at the sight of a boy. “Our country is free”, shouted the soldier with a last burst of energy, as he fell down, fatigued.

Thank you, Rochelle, for hosting Friday Fictioneers and thanks to Erin for the photo.

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24 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers- The Message

  1. Dear Nightlake,

    Welcome back.

    Well done atmospheric piece. I felt the soldier’s fatigue and determination to deliver his message. Hopefully the boy will inform others and someone will tend to the poor soldier. Nicely done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  2. Excellent! You drew me in with the first sentence, and kept me on edge all the way through the very satisfying conclusion. Great interpretation of the photo prompt.

    • Yes, people always take up to pleading in the last stages. Maybe, deep down the belief is there, though it is well disguised. Thank you for reading, Sarah

  3. I like this, kind of like the story of Marathon, where the slave ran to tell them about a victory and died of exhaustion, although I’m glad your character didn’t die. I like the line, “pleaded to the God he didn’t believe in”. It’s so true, people pray when they’re in trouble, even when they don’t normally think about God.

    • True. Most of us probably have the need to turn to someone who can manipulate things our way.. someone who is all-powerful….Thank you for taking the time to read and comment

  4. Good story. I thought for a moment that the soldier was going to fall down “dead” but was glad the word was “fatigued.” There was good tension in the story that kept me reading. Well written. :) —Susan

  5. i salute the soldier’s determination and his sacrifice to bring the good news. and i agree, when truly desperate, even those who don’t believe will eventually find themselves praying to anyone who would listen.. great story.

  6. There is a lot in this piece, which was so well-constructed. The concept of ‘getting back’ is a strong theme I like very much, and one feels the exhaustion. Well.crafted, pleasure to read..

  7. I loved this, Padmini, and was barracking for him in his desperate struggle. The reward came in your last line. “Our country is free”.
    Very nicely portrayed.

  8. the struggles both from the horse and the soldier comes across clearly as you describe their efforts. wonderful writing, as always.

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